I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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