No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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