Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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