When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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