whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
