his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
