Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
