i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
