Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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