You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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