i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
even my farts smell like vagina
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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