just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
