Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm like, not good at living.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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