it was like his penis was on wheels.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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