I think my vagina is haunted
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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