You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
