Kiss
Puke
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
