I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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