you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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