Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
