I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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