good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
nutella sex= disaster
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
