they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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