Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
