I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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