don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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