Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
