The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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