We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
