I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
