You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
