I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
