Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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