I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
