Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
