I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
