Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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