Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
