I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
