He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize