My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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