Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
