im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
