Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
