so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
