I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
