I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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