On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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