My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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