My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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