i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
