Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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