i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
