It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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