We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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