Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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