he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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