i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
