i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
