You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate