Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
