at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.