his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.