this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.