Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
