also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You ruined the universe
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
