is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
