the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
