so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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