I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
