these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
