It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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