Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just gargled with NyQuil
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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