If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
