she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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