When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
