I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
